2 1/2 Men

Update: Charlie Sheen Won’t Appear on U.K. Version of ‘Big Brother’?
by Todd Gold
Aug 1st, 2011 | 10:01 AM | Comments 0


Update:Guess the report in the Independent wasn’t true. Charlie Sheen is not going to appear on the British version of “Big Brother.” That’s according to his rep, who told the Hollywood Reporter that Sheen will not be appearing on “Celebrity Big Brother.” Check.

Are we to infer that is because it would be beneath him or above him?

6 million pounds, if true, would be above him. :lol:

James Earl Jones, who once officiated at Charlie Harper’s imagined funeral, may want to check his phone messages, because it’s looking like Two and a Half Men will indeed kick off its transitional ninth season by killing off Charlie’s Sheen’s hard-living alter ego.

One Two and a Half Men Theory: Is Ashton Kutcher Playing Charlie Harper?

Returning Monday, Sept. 19, CBS’ Men will open with Charlie Harper’s funeral, our sister site Deadline.com is hearing, with the service well-attended by his myriad sexual conquests (just as it was in the aforementioned Season 6 episode, “The Devil’s Lube”).

The premiere, possibly fashioned as a two-parter, will continue with Charlie’s house being put on the market, and a parade of guest stars — including past and present stars of assorted Chuck Lorre sitcoms — giving the digs a once-over. One possible scenario has series newcomer Ashton Kutcher playing himself (though why he’d buy a bachelor pad when he has wife Demi and stepkids back home is anyone’s guess).

Two and a Half Men First Look: Ashton Kutcher Takes Center Stage

To protect the premiere’s specifics, table reads have been limited to essential personnel and the cast has been asked to sign non-disclosure agreements — as may studio audience members who attend the taping this Friday night.

Okay, they won't have to change the set since Ashton has bought Charlie's Malibu house. That's good because such a change would have been emotionally wrenching. :lol:

Sitcom ‘Mourns’ Charlie as Ashton Films First Episode
by Adam Buckman
Aug 6th, 2011 | 5:26 PM | Comments 0

Charlie Sheen’s replacement, Ashton Kutcher, completed filming on his first episode of “Two and a Half Men” Friday in Hollywood.

Producers reportedly tried hard to bind the studio audience to an agreement to maintain total secrecy about the taping, but a few details leaked out anyway. Several stories posted on Websites such as Deadline.com and THR.com (The Hollywood Reporter) on Saturday said the episode – the season opener set to premiere Sept. 19 – starts with a funeral for Charlie Harper, Sheen’s character.

Among the attendees at the send-off: John Stamos and Jenny McCarthy, according to the stories. As for Kutcher, he plays an Internet billionaire who buys Charlie’s Malibu house, various reports say.

Though the details were sketchy, a photo emerged from the taping of Kutcher and fellow cast members happily taking their bows when filming wrapped.

I suppose it's too much to expect Jennifer Taylor to show up. She's probably not enough of a "celebrity guest star", but her character was the only one engaged to Charlie and almost the only, if not the only one to leave on reasonably friendly, if disgusted, terms. Jenny McCarthy's character was a con artist so I don't know why she needs "closure". But for sure Emmanuelle Vagier and April Bowlby have to be there. EV's character had a reasonably good experience with Charlie and left to pursue her own interests fairly trauma free. April's character gave both the Harpers a "run for their money" as well as being a great comedic actress and having the reputation with the male fans as having the most amazing physique of all of Charlie's women.


New Details Emerge On Charlie Sheen’s ‘Men’ Death
Charlie Harper's funeral scene in the upcoming season premiere of "Two and a Half Men." (TMZ)

by Reuters
Aug 8th, 2011 | 4:41 PM | Comments 0

By Tim Kenneally

Mon Aug 8, 2011 4:43pm EDT

LOS ANGELES (TheWrap.com) – Charlie Sheen’s “Two and a Half Men” character, Charlie Harper, may not be going out in accordance with the old saying, “Live fast, die young and leave a pretty corpse.”

Harper is being killed off during a funeral episode of the CBS sitcom that taped on Friday night, and TMZ reports the gory details of the jingle writer’s demise, citing sources who attended the taping.

Brace yourself — for both major spoilers and some truly gruesome imagery.

According to TMZ’s taping attendee, the plot lays out how Rose (played by Melanie Lynskey) — the neighbor who had been doggedly pursuing Harper, and whom Harper brought to Paris last season — married Harper while in the City of Lights, but later caught him cheating on her in the shower.

According to TMZ’s, Rose speaks at Charlie’s funeral, telling everyone that while she and her spouse were waiting in a Paris subway station the day after the shower incident, Charlie “slipped” onto the tracks, in front of an oncoming train, resulting in a “meat explosion.”

From the funeral, the episode reportedly shifts the narrative over to Charlie’s beach house, which is in the process of being sold — with numerous celebrity guest stars playing prospective buyers.

More “Men” Details:

As for Sheen, he told TMZ he’ll definitely tune in.

“I have always been told that I have nine lives, so it’s going to be amazing to witness my own funeral, which is clearly a win-win situation, because Ashton has just given me a 10th.”

As was reported last week, the season premiere of “Men — which airs on September 19 — will feature Harper’s funeral, with many of his long line of former sexual conquests stopping by to bid him farewell. The guest stars on the episode are said to include Jenny McCarthy, playing a former flame of Harper’s, and John Stamos, as Harper’s onetime party buddy who joined him in some of his sexual exploits.

Last week at the Television Critics Association press tour, CBS entertainment president Nina Tassler revealed some details about the character that Ashton Kutcher, who’s replacing Sheen on the series, will play.

According to Tassler, the former “Punk’d” star will portray Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted internet billionaire.

Sheen was fired from the series early this year, after a prolonged burst of increasingly erratic behavior.

Warner Bros. TV had no comment for TheWrap on the new details of Harper’s funeral. CBS did not immediately respond to TheWrap’s request for comment.
More Celebrity News:

I wish they would have gone with something a bit more humorous...like him drifting off in a hot air balloon (okay, maybe there isn't a "humorous" way to kill off your main character. But I think if anyone can get the funny out of this...it is probably Ashton. I'll sure tune in for the first one anyway.

I will at least watch this episode to see how it plays out.

Well, I'm not happy with Rose being the one who "offs" Charlie. Guess she will not be in show anymore. (?)

I'll watch, I won't have a choice anyway. But Craig may be right...it's gonna suck.

Melanie has had quite a few gigs during the time she was on 2 1/2 , so if they write her out, she's got other options. Her other roles, that I've seen, were quite different than Rose and she can act beyond the Rose character quite well.

I liked Rose, too. You never know, she might be back if she found out she was pregnant with Charlie's baby. At least long enough to drop him off at Uncle Allan's when she realized she couldn't be a good Mom. (got to keep that "half" going somehow. )

Sheen in Kutcher’s Corner on New ‘Two and a Half Men’
by Reuters
Aug 10th, 2011 | 10:37 AM | Comments 0

By Tim Kenneally

LOS ANGELES (TheWrap.com) – Charlie Sheen has apparently had a change of heart and mind with regard to the upcoming season of “Two and a Half Men.”

The ousted actor — who had earlier scoffed at the notion of Ashton Kutcher replacing him on the hit CBS series, has pulled an about-face faster than you can say “crack binge,” telling “Extra” that Kutcher is going to “kill it.”

He even plans to tune in to his old gig when it comes back on the small screen.

Preview Charlie Harper’s “Men” Funeral:

“Who’s not going to watch? I’ll be there front and center, I’m just as curious as everybody else,” Sheen enthused on Monday. “I think Ashton’s gonna’ kill it.”

Admitting that he’s “rooting hard” for the revamp’s success, Sheen offered a slightly backhanded compliment, saying, “It’ll be nice to know that they get some carry-over ratings from people being sort of curious about what happened to their guy.”

Sheen, who was booted from the series early this year after a prolonged burst of increasingly bizarre behavior, pooh-poohed the prospect of Kutcher taking over for him in May, saying, “Enjoy the show America. Enjoy seeing a 2.0 in the demo every Monday, WB,” referring to Warner Bros. Television, which produces “Men.”

As was reported last week, the season premiere of “Two and a Half Men” — which taped on Friday — will reportedly open on a funeral for Sheen’s character Charlie Harper, who according to attendees of the taping met an unfortunate demise in Paris, after cheating on his new wife. John Stamos and Jenny McCarthy are said to be guest-stars for the televised memorial service.

At the Television Critics Association press tour in Beverly Hills last week, CBS entertainment president Nina Tassler revealed that former “Punk’d” star Kutcher would play Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted Internet billionaire.

If Sheen does plan to watch the “Men” season premiere, he’s better fire up the TiVo — it’s slated to air on September 19, the same night as his Comedy Central roast. Then again, maybe all of that tiger blood coursing through Sheen’s veins allows him to watch multiple shows simultaneously, without the benefit of modern technology.

Of course, Sheen has reason to be charitable with his opinion lately; the actor’s career appears to be meandering back on track, with a television adaptation of the Jack Nicholson film “Anger Management” in the works.

Ashton Vs. Charlie: Can Kutcher Save ‘Two and a Half Men’?
by Adam Buckman
Aug 14th, 2011 | 12:27 PM | Comments 0

The changes afoot at “Two and a Half Men” have made the CBS sitcom the most talked-about TV show of the summer.

But the question remains: Is Ashton Kutcher a sure thing? If you were to base an answer solely on the hype surrounding his arrival this month to replace Charlie Sheen, then the prognosis for this high-rated sitcom’s continued success would be positive.

But what’s the real story? Is Kutcher really Sheen’s equivalent? In some ways, no – not by a long shot. In others, well, maybe. With production now under way in Hollywood on the show’s new season – set to begin on Monday, Sept. 19, we’ve been mulling it over. In the process, we’ve narrowed our analysis down to three categories in which to compare these two very different contemporary stars: Movies, TV, and the thing most difficult to define, personality.

Movies: Here’s where Charlie Sheen’s career soars above Kutcher’s. Sheen’s movie career boasts such acclaimed hits as “Platoon” (1986), “Wall Street” (1987) and the great John Sayles film about the 1919 World Series scandal, “Eight Men Out” (1988). True, along the way, he made more than a few movies that weren’t quite as acclaimed – “Major League” (1989, and a sequel in 1994) and “Hot Shots” (1991, and “Part Deux” in 1993), for example (though audiences seemed to like them). And of course, a look at the years in which Charlie made his best movies indicates his best years on the big screen were a long time ago.

But what about Ashton? He has no acclaimed movies to his credit. Instead, he’s best known for movies that are largely forgettable – “Dude, Where’s My Car?” (2000), “What Happens in Vegas” (with Cameron Diaz, 2008), and “No Strings Attached” (with Natalie Portman, 2011). Let’s face it, when it comes to taking on challenging work in movies, Kutcher’s a slacker, while Sheen’s an A-list movie superstar (or, at least, he was).
Ashton on TV: Watch a classic scene from “That ’70s Show” starring Ashton Kutcher:


TV: Here again, Charlie comes out on top. With his movie career on the wane, Sheen turned to TV, single-handedly saving “Spin City” when he replaced the ailing Michael J. Fox in 2000. He breathed enough life into that sitcom to keep it going for an additional two seasons. Then he was offered “Two and a Half Men” and that show became the highest-rated comedy on television.

As for Ashton, he became famous for playing the doofus Kelso on “That ’70s Show,” a series that was never critically acclaimed nor particularly high-rated, though it managed to limp along for eight seasons. And that’s the sum total of Kutcher’s acting career on TV. He’s been busier behind the scenes, as a producer of reality shows such as “Punk’d” and “Beauty and the Geek” – though it’s hard to see how his experience as a producer will help him revive Two and a Half Men” as a comic actor.

Personality: Here’s the place where Ashton comes out on top. Despite his mediocre credits as an actor in movies and TV, Kutcher has nevertheless crafted an image of extreme likability. He seems to possess so much charisma that no one – except maybe us – even bothers to assess what he’s done in his career previously to qualify him for work as the star of TV’s highest-rated comedy series. Thanks to those ubiquitous Nikon commercials, along with his endlessly publicized forays into social media, Kutcher just seems to encounter universal acceptance and affection wherever he goes.

As for Charlie, he was once so charismatic that he was able to carry “Two and a Half Men” by seeming to exert little or no effort at all. All he had to do was amble into a scene, recite a wisecrack and ratings soared. Now, however, after his meltdown last season, Sheen’s become a late-night monologue joke whose future in movies or TV is uncertain at best. And he’s 45, to boot. Ashton’s just 33, with most of his career still ahead of him.

Still, it remains to be seen if Ashton Kutcher represents the fix “Two and a Half Men” will need to succeed in its first (and possibly only) post-Charlie Sheen season.

It's nice to know that they are keeping it "vulgar and crass", but that was Sheen's forte, and they might find it harder to do now, without seeming to "stretch". BTW, Sheen will be on Leno tomorrow. Suspicious heads might wonder if it's a publicity stunt, with Sheen's complicity, to ramp up interest for the premier.....

‘Two and a Half Men’ Back with New Cast, Equation

by Associated Press
Sep 14th, 2011 | 7:23 AM | Comments 0

By LYNN ELBER

BURBANK, Calif. — The stars of CBS’ “Two and a Half Men” are scrutinizing a publicity photo depicting them as a tuxedo-clad trio sharing a vintage microphone.

Ashton Kutcher is in the center of the shot, flanked by Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones on the other. Charlie Sheen, of course, is out of the picture.

“It’s nice,” offered Cryer, adding a query to Jones: “But that’s not your hand, is it? I believe they had too big a black spot there and they photoshopped in a hand.”

“That’s not my head, is it?” said Kutcher.

Oh, those kidders. But the silliness carries a message: The three actors are a comfortable fit with each other and for the revamped “Two and a Half Men,” which returns Sept. 19 at 9 p.m. EDT for its ninth season, minus the fired Sheen.

Watch The New “Men” Opening Credits:

Executive producer Chuck Lorre and the Warner Bros. studio clashed bitterly with their erratic, hard-partying star before dumping him last March and cutting the season short. The task now is to salvage what has reigned as TV’s top-rated comedy.

Kutcher, who carries the weight of replacing Sheen as newly introduced character Walden Schmidt, diligently ticks off reasons the sitcom can remain a hit.

“The series has momentum. It has fans that are built in,” he said. “I think the great thing the writers have done is they haven’t lost the sensibility of the show. … It’s going to offend people just as much as every episode has offended people.”

“Two and a Half Men” accomplished that by trafficking in sexual jokes and innuendo as it detailed the antics of fast-living womanizing cad Charlie Harper (Sheen). More fodder came from his roommates, Charlie’s neurotic, divorced brother Alan (Cryer) and young nephew Jake (Jones).

The shake-up has given the show the chance to push the envelope in a new direction: laughing in the face of death, with Sheen’s character jettisoned in a fatal accident. Kutcher fills the vacuum playing an Internet genius who is wealthy but unlucky in love and who moves in with Alan and Jake, creating a new buddy triangle. Judy Greer plays the heartbroken Walter’s ex. I thought she had been on the old show....In a different role of course.....I'll have to check. This wouldn't be unprecedented. Jennifer Taylor had several names/roles on earlier seasons before becoming Chelsie on the last few....


Ah, I thought so:


2007 Two and a Half Men (TV series)
Myra
– Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot (2007) … Myra
– Smooth as a Ken Doll (2007) … Myra



Producers have been trying, sometimes unsuccessfully, to keep details of the reconstituted show under wraps. Kutcher, who sports a beard in the role, plays it coy when asked about the facial hair.

“You got to ask the writers. We’re not allowed to talk about the beard,” he says, then relents. “I was being really lazy when I met Chuck and he said, `I like the beard. Keep the beard.’”

Cryer learned about Charlie Harper’s demise in an operation worthy of the CIA.

“There was tremendous security during the whole thing and, in fact, no scripts were sent out. You were brought to Warner (Warner Bros. Television), taken into a room with the scripts, left there for half-an-hour by yourself and then you had to leave the script in the room and walk out,” he recounted.

Cryer and his co-stars, who have taken a break from production for a joint interview at the studio, say that it’s all smooth sailing now.

“We’ve definitely found our dynamic,” Kutcher said. Cryer agreed, lauding the show’s writers and his new co-star.

“That came remarkably quick. I think we got a lot of great stuff in the first episode,” he said. “The writers got hold of a good dynamic, plus he (Kutcher) changed it in a way that works better than the writers had originally imagined.”

Curiosity about how Harper’s death is approached and Kutcher’s introduction could turn the season debut into “event television,” the sort of program that produces buzz and healthy ratings, said analyst Bill Carroll of ad buyer Katz Media.

Ultimately, he suggested, the changes could reinvigorate the long-running comedy and extend its life – something Sheen, who filed a $100 million lawsuit against the producers over his firing, might not have expected.

“They have a formula. They stay with the formula,” Carroll said, which will keep longtime fans watching. The addition of Kutcher, who has cultivated a following with his work on TV (”That `70s Show,” “Punk’d”), movies (”No Strings Attached,” “Valentine’s Day”) and avid use of Twitter, will bring new viewers.

“You can’t diminish the contribution that Charlie Sheen made to the show but they (producers) have to believe that Kutcher can make his own contribution,” Carroll said.

Given the bad blood between Sheen and producers, did Cryer think killing the character seemed more vengeful than funny? The actor, who smartly kept out of the fray engulfing Sheen and their bosses and who said he hasn’t heard from Sheen, was diplomatic in his reply.

“The writers had an enormous challenge and you’ll see they handled it beautifully. Change is often shocking but it’s so true to the show,” Cryer said. “And sometimes stuff you don’t see coming happens in life.” He laughed, ruefully. “And in that respect it was very true to life.”

Besides, the show has never wallowed in sentiment, he said.

“That’s not the vibe. So everything is treated the same way we’ve always treated it: In a very crass and vulgar way.

I'll be tuning in. I'm very curious about how The Death is being handled. What a coinky dink that Charlie Sheen's Roast will be aired at the very same time...but oops, my tivoing is all full for that evening so won't be recording that.

Heard about the roast, have no plans to watch it with any technology. :lol:

Yeah, I won't be watching ANYTHING done by Sheen!

I'll watch him on Leno tonight, more out of curiosity and the way Leno will handle it.....but after that.....buh-bye Charlie.....

That was a pretty good premier. There was one thing I was wondering about.....those of you that have been on the set of 2 1/2 and have sat in the bleachers where the live audience sits.....imagine that you are sitting there all excited to be at the "new era" of the show, and then Kutcher walks out totally naked ! You could hear the live audience reaction, but do they let children into the audience ? I'm assuming no, remember we never saw any even on the WB studio tour, and did they warn the studio audience of what might happen ? There is always someone who can't handle such "events'............just wondering....

Oh, and at the funeral scene Jennifer Taylor sitting in the front row had one line,"He gave me Chlamydia". Does this portend a return to the show ? One can hope...


Sheen Plus Kutcher Add Up to Huge Ratings for ‘Men’
by Adam Buckman
Sep 20th, 2011 | 11:30 AM | Comments 0

“Two and a Half Men” roared back onto CBS Monday night with huge ratings that are the talk of the TV industry.

How huge? Just shy of 28 million viewers – specifically 27.759 million, according to Nielsen overnights. That kind of audience tally for a prime-time scripted sitcom hasn’t been seen for – well, we’re not sure how long, but more on that in a moment.

But first, this: Obviously, this episode of “Two and a Half Men” was highly anticipated, but even CBS must have been shocked by the level of interest the overnight number represented. This episode ushered in the high-rated sitcom’s ninth season and, in just one half-hour, managed to both say farewell to wayward star Charlie Sheen (with a brutal “funeral” send-off) and introduce incoming leading man Ashton Kutcher.
No Tears for Charlie as Ashton Premieres on ‘Men’


Certainly, the publicity preceding this episode was unprecedented. Nor was it planned – it all stemmed from Sheen’s high-profile dismissal last March and then the subsequent casting of Kutcher last May on the eve of CBS’s annual fall-lineup presentation to advertisers in New York. The conclusion? It was Sheen himself who provided the lion’s share of the publicity with his months of tirades against the show and executive producer Chuck Lorre, who must be having the last laugh now.
Watch how Ashton Kutcher made his hilarious entrance on “Two and a Half Men” here:


How big is that 27.759 million viewership tally? To put it in perspective, let’s look at a handful of other iconic TV shows. For example, back in the ’90s, “Seinfeld” – one of the most revered shows in the history of television – averaged 21.27 million viewers per episode in its highest-rated season on NBC, its last one in 1997-98. Another legendary NBC sitcom, “Friends,” averaged 24.5 million in its eighth season (2001-02). And that was in an era when viewers had fewer choices than they do today.

More recently, “American Idol” has been TV’s highest-rated series, and the premiere Monday night of “Two and a Half Men” even beat last season’s average for “Idol” – 25.864 million on Wednesdays and 23.798 million on Thursdays.

CBS, of course, has to be ecstatic over the Monday results. Not only does it likely ensure that millions will return next Monday for Episode Two (although how many will return is a big, open question), but it lifted the network’s other shows – most notably “2 Broke Girls,” the new sitcom that premiered after “Men.” Thanks to Ashton Kutcher, “Girls” drew an incredible 19.154 million for its debut – probably ensuring that it, too, will establish itself as another Monday night comedy hit for CBS.
Watch another uproarious scene with Ashton Kutcher on “Two and a Half Men”:

I missed the first half but caught Ashton's entrance. I liked it from there on it.

‘Two And A Half Men’ Premiere: What Did You Think?

UPDATED: The debut of Two and a Half Men with new star Ashton Kutcher lived up to the hype ratings-wise, while NBC hit a major bump on the opening night of the season. The ninth season premiere of Two and a Half Men last night drew 27.7 million viewers and posted a 10.3 rating in the 18-49 demographic, numbers rarely seen for show not named American Idol these days and all series record for Men by a large margin. In 18-49, Men more than doubled its season premiere number last fall, up 110%. This was the highest-rated season premiere on any network in 6 years, since Desperate Housewives‘ second season opener in September 2005.

Two and a Half Men provided a great lead-in for CBS’ new comedy 2 Broke Girls, which drew a 7.0/13 in 18-49 and 19.5 million viewers in its premiere behind Men before it moves to the 8:30 PM slot next week. The comedy starring Kat Dennings posted the largest audience for a fall comedy debut in 10 years, since NBC’s Inside Schwartz, which launched behind mega-hit Friends.

And while Men is bound to steal all ratings headlines today, another veteran CBS comedy, How I Met Your Mother also was off to a very hot start. It opened the night at 8 PM with a 4.7/13 in 18-49. That was the comedy’s highest-rated season premiere ever, up a whopping 31% from last fall, a surge rarely seen for a series in its 7th season. A second HIMYM episode at 8:30 PM rose even further to a 5.1/13. And if it starts to seem like the Two and a Half Men tide was lifting all the CBS boats last night, that wasn’t quite the case. Somewhat surprisingly, the second season premiere of Hawaii Five-0 at 10 PM (3.4/8) was down 13% from its series debut last year despite having a lead-in twice as big as last fall’s. Two and a Half Men and CBS easily dominated the opening night of the 2011-12 season. But, because of the big curiosity factor associated with the public firing of former Men star Charlie Sheen and his replacement with Kutcher, the show was expected to open very well. The question is where it will settle when the novelty wears off.

As for the other networks last night, NBC’s The Playboy Club got off to a disappointing start with a 1.6/4 in 18-49 and 5 million viewers at 10 PM. It was down 30% from the premiere of NBC’s short-lived drama Chase in the same slot last year and did only a little better than last fall’s big flop, Fox’s Lone Star, which opened with a 1.3/3 and 4.1 million. The Playboy Club tied another short-lived show, Crusoe, as NBC’s lowest-rated fall drama premiere ever. The Playboy Club didn’t get much help from its lead-in, a two-hour Sing-Off, which managed a 1.9/5 in the demo and 5.2 million viewers. (The Chase had a stronger lead-in last year from The Event.) The Sing-Off, whose only previous run was as a limited holiday series, was down 32% from its December debut to log the show’s lowest-rated telecast. Overall, NBC’s Monday lineup was down 30% from last fall.

Against CBS’ red-hot comedy block anchored by the Two and a Half Men premiere, ABC’s Dancing with the Stars (3.9/10) took a serious hit. It was down 24% from the reality juggernaut’s last fall debut and ranks as Dancing‘s lowest-rated opener ever. On the bright side for ABC, quirky dramedy Castle (3.3/8) at 10 PM, which resolved a big cliffhanger from last season’s finale, was up a whopping 22% year-to-year and almost tied Hawaii Five-0 for the top spot at 10 PM.

I wasn't very impressed with the show but maybe it is just me!

Rebooted Two and a Half Men: About as Funny as a Funeral
By Daniel Carlson Tue., Sep. 20 2011 at 9:00 AM

​There's a choking bitterness to Two and a Half Men that has absolutely nothing to do with the recently departed Charlie Sheen. The season premiere, "Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt," was the series' attempt to reboot itself in the wake of Sheen's abrupt exit after a series of public tirades against the show's producers, the media, and the world in general. And as present-day multi-camera CBS sitcoms go, it was as predictable and broad and flat as you'd expect, right down to the transparent dialogue that the writers didn't even try to pretend wasn't about Sheen's epic mania.

But what really made the episode so off-putting was its weird hatefulness, and the way that air of self-loathing ran through every story, not just the bits about Sheen's character. This is a sitcom that's entering its ninth season, and it's been a Top 20 show every year. It has earned its status not as a comedy about characters worth liking or hanging out with, or even empathizing with, but about people who just shoot on each other for 22 minutes a week. Ashton Kutcher's presence changes nothing. It doesn't matter what face you put on a body when there's no soul inside.

The episode opened with a funeral for Charlie Harper (Sheen) that sidestepped any semblance of reality, even sitcom reality, and just went for the easy jokes about Sheen's -- excuse me, "Charlie's" -- persona that felt dated back in April. Charlie likes sex, Charlie's crazy, Charlie used a woman's panties to make tea, etc. The thing is that there's nothing wrong with staging a funeral for a major character after the actor's public meltdown. The TV shows we watch have entire pop culture identities of which the actual episodes are only a small part. We all know Sheen was fired, and that there's no way around that but by killing his character. Yet the show missed out on some potentially great (well, good) comedy by making the funeral a public venting session instead of a joke at the expense of the characters who are still around. Jon Cryer's Alan felt like a spokesman for creator Chuck Lorre, not a neurotic guy whose brother just died. The creators forgot that, though Sheen was fired, Charlie Harper actually lost his life. The episode ceased to be a TV show and just became a read-through of Lorre's blog.

It just got weirder from there. Alan, forced to sell Charlie's house, entertained a number of potential buyers that turned out to be guest stars/characters from Lorre's other series. John Stamos showed up as, ostensibly, John Stamos. Then Dharma and Greg showed up, played again by Jenna Elfman and Thomas Gibson. Dharma & Greg ended its run a year and a half before Two and a Half Men debuted, but let me refresh your memory: They were a slightly mismatched couple but still very much in love, and not the bitter, sniping, making-jokes-about-divorce-and-suicide people Lorre's had them become. But what do you expect? Two and a Half Men started out revolving around a hopeless cad who used women like Kleenex and his sour brother who hated every second of his existence. How could two happy characters walk into a world like that?

Eventually, Ashton Kutcher shows up and plays Ashton Kutcher, or at least the on-screen version of himself he crafted on That '70s Show. He's drifty and dopey, utterly at ease with the world around him. This is a bit of a tough sell since his character, Walden Schmidt, is technically dealing with a broken heart after being dumped by his wife. But Kutcher, at least in the context of this show, can't find anything remotely approximating emotional depth. He's just kind of there. Walden's a dot-com billionaire, and by the end of the episode he announced he's buying Alan's house. From here, he'll decide to let Alan and Half Man live with him while they get into a series of bitter and unfun misadventures. It doesn't happen in this episode, but come on. We all read the papers.

Walden's a pretty standard replacement character, meaning he's the tonal opposite of Charlie. Charlie drank constantly, but Walden doesn't like the taste of booze; Charlie was a sociopathic man-child who saw women as disembodied vaginas, but Walden's a romantic with a broken heart; etc., etc. But again, it doesn't matter. That's all surface. There's no heart or brain to back it up. The ensemble has changed slightly, but the broad jokes, bitter pills, and hate masquerading as humor aren't going anywhere. Two and a Half Men can end in May or live for years to come. Its empty legacy is secure.

Scattered thoughts:

• "He used my panties to make tea." Actual line of dialogue from the funeral scene. Couldn't make this up if I wanted to.

• I don't recall Angus T. Jones speaking in this episode. He farted, though.

• Right after Dharma and Greg left, Alan got another visitor: a delivery man played by Joel Murray. What makes this kind of mind-splittingly surreal is that Murray actually starred on Dharma & Greg as Pete, Greg's friend and coworker. He wasn't some random player, either. He was in every episode. Elfman and Wilson get walk-ons as old characters they've long since abandoned, and they probably got a nice check out of it. Murray plays a nameless courier who delivers Charlie's ashes. Hollywood's a fickle bitch.

• Wait, OK, Angus Jones did speak. At his uncle's funeral, he said, "I'm hungry." Hilarious!

• I've never felt as old as I did watching the ads for other CBS shows. Hawaii Five-O? Jeff Probst? Seventeen different NCIS and CSI titles? Who lives like this?

I didn't think it was that bad. Granted I missed the funeral but I was there from Ashton's entrance and I laughed. Well, it is probably inevitable that the ratings will go down. After all 28 million people watched it. The network itself was shocked. But it will be interesting what percentage will stick with it.

I can agree that Kutcher was less than stellar. The main 'problem' that they are dealing with now is that they have lost the main impetus for the show. Like it or not Charlie's attitude toward, and use of, women was the main driving force of the old show, and the appearance of all the different hot women that he brought home each week or had ongoing relationships with was the central point of most of the episodes. The fact that they ranged from well known actresses to unknown starlets looking for their first big break (and some got them, and some disappeared forever) was interesting, at least to male viewers. I don't know how they are going to recapture this aspect. Kutcher certainly can't do it. Alan had some tete a tetes with several of the more famous starlets in the old show, April Bowlby (Kandi) being the most memorable, but that won't play anymore, and they certainly can't have Jake "following in his uncle's footsteps", so they are on a slippery slope. I don't foresee longevity....

Incidentally, Jenna Elfman was in two episodes in the 2004 season playing "Frankie", a "crazy chick" (Alan's words) that Charlie falls for and brings home against Alan's warnings. The one thing that we (men) remember about her role was that she had amazing legs. Shoot me now if you wish, :lol: , but that makes the point as to why this new version is on shakey ground...how do they recreate "the old days" ?

Joe was in multiple episodes of How I Met Your Mother a few seasons ago so he's no stranger to sitcoms.

‘True Blood’ Star Added to ‘Two and a Half Men’
by Tracy Phillips
Sep 26th, 2011 | 10:10 AM | Comments 0


From Bon Temps to Malibu…

“True Blood’s” Joe Manganiello has signed on to guest star on “Two and a Half Men” this season, reports Entertainment Weekly.

Manganiello will go from hunky werewolf to hunky rival of Ashton Kutcher’s Walden Schmidt, as he takes on the role of Walden’s ex Bridget’s new boyfriend.

He’ll appear in the October 24 episode. Bridget will be played by Judy Greer, who makes her first appearance in tonight’s episode.

Kutcher’s debut last week on the season premiere of “Two and a Half Men,” which featured the funeral of Charlie Harper, set a ratings record with 28 million viewers. Will they be tuning in for more of the new “Man”? Stay tuned for a ratings update on Tuesday…